A Rant

A Rant

I am a black woman, and as such must view life through that lens, and it occurs to me that I have never been right.  I don’t mean that with a straight forward definition, what I mean is that no matter what I do, how I contort myself, whittle away at myself, or fall apart I have always been “wrong” in society because all of society feel s ownership of me.  Society sees me, a black woman, and thinks that I owe it to be whatever it requires at the time; the lonely non-black girl sees me and obligates me into her friendship because she subconsciously thinks she is doing me a favor by allowing me into her non-black presence, and thus it never occurs to her that I may not share her interests and am not interested in learning them.  Men think I should either be the Madonna or the whore based on their relation to me and how they would like to use me; and black men expect me to understand their slavery inflicted wounds, offset the effects of society, and reinforce their manhood while simultaneously not asking for anything and being grateful for whatever I am given, working like a mule while remaining soft, ever available when they want me and unimposing when they don’t feel like being bothered, and generally able to withstand any treatment or abuse that is dished out with nary a complaint while healing whatever traumas caused the maladaptive behaviors as if I did not descend from the same plantations, bearing the scars of the same terrorism while trying not to inflict any damage from my scars lest I be further demonized.  Black and brown women are preyed upon en mass with the onus for the predatory actions placed upon our backs which may cause hardening and standoffishness, for which we are blamed and belittled.  The “angry black woman” trope is ridiculous; given all that black and brown women have endured we should be furious and viciously knocking all this shit over.

I am ANGRY!  I am mad at all of the times that I have shown up in this world and submitted myself for review for access to opportunity only to be denied with platitudes, return home, tear myself apart, rebuild, try again, another rejection, while never knowing that I was never going to be given the opportunity because the collective subconscious in America deems me as unworthy, less than, inadequate, and continues to make excuses for its assumption that I am unable to be effective, which really is a mask for the internalized belief that I and those who look like me are not the image of success unless I mold myself into the image that you have been given of success, and thus a self fulfilling cycle is enacted where you manifest the lack of success and actualization that you expect to see in me at the cost of my dreams, happiness and fulfillment.  I am tired of being told to be satisfied with inadequate resources, and to take said inadequate resources and make it enough to accomplish the damn near impossible or further exploitation is justified, and when I do the damn near impossible I’m often greeted with a dick (figuratively and sometimes literally) that I am expected to suck or the opportunity might dissipate, and when I don’t suck said dick and claw and struggle on my own and create a way to gain access I am then greeted with first surprise that all that was meant to exclude me didn’t work, then possibly passive aggressive behavior, slander, threats, and micro aggressions, as those whom attempted to sabotage try to prevent the exposure of their misdeeds.  I am TIRED of it.  It is time for the American collective to begin doing their own God Damned work, because I am done doing the labor and creating the safe spaces at the expense of my own well being.  

Now that I have ranted, I will get back to The Work of creating a better society…just be mindful to protect, honor and love black women; not only in words but in ACTION!  Make our lives easier when you can and most importantly, HANDLE YOUR OWN SHIT!