To be clear, no one owes anyone anything other than being a good humanistic person, but that will be discussed at a later time. This post is in reference to the unspoken but often manifested expectations of ownership of women; their time, labor, physicality, smiles, understanding, nurturing, cooperation, etc. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU!! Every single person on this earth got here the same way, through the body of a woman. Yes men contribute sperm, but men are unable to carry children within their bodies. Women could literally kill every man on this earth except one, and keep him around for his seed and the human race would survive!! This makes male infidelity hilarious to me because if men expect women to share them, we might as well find the best male specimen to share and do away with the rest of you (just kidding, I love the fellas, but it is food for thought for the men walking around with chips on their shoulders as if they are god’s gift to women). So, where does this idea of men owning women come from? Well, there are a lot of factors involved, but let’s start with culture.
Most cultures are patriarchal where the man is the head of the family with the expectation that men would make the decisions and provide direction to the members of his family. In order to lead effectively, men required submission from women (and children), and society judges the man based on his effectiveness as well as the actions, appearance, and behavior of his family. This structure is reinforced by religion which provides strict ideals of what a good person is with strict consequences for deviation, as well as capitalism which rewards people with ideal images with financial gain and access to greater opportunity and resources. Subsequently, men needed to strictly control the actions and images of women (sometimes through toxic oppression, denying women education, etc.) in order to provide for them, and the men felt that women owe them submission to that control because they are providing. A man’s ability to be viewed as a “man” within society was contingent upon him controlling “his” woman so because he feels that he needs to do so he believes that he has the right to do so.
It’s no secret that many women are attracted to successful men. Subsequently, a man can begin to judge his success based on his ability to attract, protect, and fulfill a woman. Some men would go to any length to “acquire” and keep a woman, including engaging in toxic behaviors such as ignoring and creating tactics to overcome her boundaries (gaslighting, etc.), stalking, degrading women, threats of physical violence, intimidation, etc.Furthermore, since society posits that good, successful men have women, and many men view themselves as good and successful (whether they are lying to themselves or not) they feel that they are owed a woman, and become angry if they do not have a woman, or are rejected by a woman. Many cultures teach that men are a prize so men are accustomed to that line of thought, and may even determine their self esteem based off of their perceived superiority to women. Such men can become volatile at the perceived disrespect of a woman, and feel justified in demanding anything they want from a woman, often through violence, intimidation, even fear of death. Additionally, some men view their physical strength as justification for dominance, and as such think that the mere fact that a woman is in his vicinity is a circumstance where he is able to use his physical strength to compel her or take from her, he is justified (the why why you go to the hotel if you weren’t down to f* gang). For a long time men were socialized to “hunt” women through any means, and that they are not accountable for their actions or even procuring consent, because the ability to do anything to a woman shows her lack of character for allowing access versus men being taught that they have a responsibility to be someone that women can be safe around.
Lastly, let’s talk biology. Frequently I have heard that men are biologically driven to want women; women are necessary for reproduction. For some, specifically those driven by fear, needing something that they cannot provide for themselves causes a reactionary need to control. This type of man feels justified in controlling a woman because he needs her, he is afraid of the loss of access to her, he projects his fear onto her in an accusatory manner, then controls her to prevent her from doing what he fears. These men gain access to femininity not through self improvement to attract it, but through crippling women so that they cannot leave. One may ask, why do men need women so bad that they will resort to such depraved, insecure acts to gain access to the feminine? All infants start out as female, but eventually evolution dictated that it would be better to have both female and male in the human species. By becoming a protector, the male zygotes have lost their femininity, which is the ability to create and nurture a life within their bodies. Sigmund Freud had a theory that women have “penis envy” but I think that is a projection of the opposite. I think men have an unconscious desire to regain the access to the creation of life that they lost, and thus have created a system which exults their value out of fear of being rendered obsolete after the act of coupling, and they do this by attempting to control access to the resources women need and mental conditioning to the point where women are taught that they should derive their value from the man. Only recently have we begun to deconstruct these systems, especially now that industrialization has given women greater capacity to care for themselves and their offspring in spite of centuries of actions designed to prevent this very thing. The entitled attitudes that some men exhibit are the salve that allows him to convince himself that women need him when ultimately he intrinsically knows the opposite is true. Subsequently men feel extremely betrayed when a woman is unfaithful; she is giving the opportunity to create life to another which could result in his resources being given to the offspring of another man.
Let me conclude with this, WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING!! Yet, please remember that you are our sons, our brothers, our fathers, and our lovers. We love you, if we didn’t we could become lesbians or find a female friend for companionship, get artificial insimination and live happily ever after, lol, but we don’t. Women (for the most part, or at least I personally do) love having you around. We enjoy the differences between us, and we hope that you all can do the same. However attempts to control, belittle, or otherwise procur access to femininity, particularly my femininity through any means other than your wonderful personality and capacity to utilize your masculinity in a non toxic manner will be frowned upon; it is intollerable. I believe that each and every man out there is intrinsically beautiful enough in spirit to connect and build with in positive ways; I hope you believe in yourselves too. For those who recognize some toxicity within, please do the work because you are worth it! Women do not owe you a thing, but when you are glowing beautifully you will not have to demand or control because we will want to share our gifts with you.
Peace! Ase
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