Gaslighting

   So I’ve decided to touch on a topic that has been on my mind for a while; gaslighting.  This term has gained popularity recently as more research has been done on narcissistic abuse.  For those who are unaware, gaslighting is psychological manipulation where a person has their reality questioned by another person who engages in “crazy making” behavior.  For example, the gaslighter will have a complete conversation with the victim, only to tell the victim that it never happened.  This is compounded when multiple people engage in the gaslighting, which is called gang stalking.  Gang stalking is tyranny of the majority in a nutshell, where several people have identified a target whom they plan to exploit, so the perpetrators all engage in gaslighting the victim and spin a narrative to the community at large designed to smear the victim, so that when the victim tries to detail the exploitation and abuse others do not believe them, and often respond by further victimizing the exploited individual.  

        This particular topic is very important to me because I have repeatedly been the victim of gaslighting and gang stalking.  I have been smeared so many times that I often don’t even fight to clear my name, instead understanding that it often takes years for a person to see through the lies they have been told, and at that point it’s easier for them to simply blame me than to acknowledge that they had the wrong impression and possibly mistreated me because of it.  Furthermore, emotionally vulnerable people are prime victims for narcissists, which resonates with me because the narcissists have been coming out of the woods since my son died, and I left my former relationship with a man who used narcissistic tactics (I’m not going to diagnose someone because I’m not a professional, but…).  

        The funny thing is, most people don’t recognize abusers because, frankly, people are materialistic and admire status, and abusers are quite adept at acquiring both things.  Abusers are often attractive and keep a well maintained facade while reserving their cruelty for select, pre-chosen victims.  The victim is conditioned to accept the abuse because their attempts are often refuted and further abuse is meted out for the perceived betrayal.  These people feel entitled to the efforts, loyalty, resource, and very being of the chosen victim, and in some ways society at large has supported the idea.  

        A call to action- stop assuming that a person’s status or appearance is equal with moral standing.  I’ve heard it said that people on the outside looking in cannot tell who is triggering whom so they stay out of the situation, perhaps lending support to the person that they like better or feel more connected to.  This is a cop out because there are some very simple ways that one can shut an abuser down and prevent the silencing of the exploited.  First, allow both people to tell their sides of the story before forming an opinion, because it is a huge red flag when someone is coming to you to tell you about a huge problem with someone else instead of talking to the person they supposedly have the problem with.  This person is trying to prime you with a fabricated explanation of the situation so that by the time the victim gets a chance to tell their side you have adopted an interpretation which favors the abuser.  Next, be aware that abusers often like to control the flow of the conversation either through slick verbal gymnastics, or through proxy (this type often keeps several people around whom they can influence and will use those people to gang up on the victim, preventing the victim from telling their side through intimidation, forced narrative, and shear, overwhelming force).  Lastly, look at who is genuinely trying to resolve the situation versus who feigns exacerbation, as exploiters simply want the victim to accept whatever abuse or exploitation that is occurring silently, and the victim is often desperate for resolution.  If all else fails, at least do not be quick to judge a situation that you were not privy to, and if you see several people implying that one person is the source of their distress, (a person whom they seem to continue being around in spite of the supposed issues and seem to still complain about in spite of claiming to accept/help the person with said issues) then understand that they may be gang stalking that person.  Also, be mindful that the victim may present as depressed, introverted, etc. because the abuser knows the triggers to push so that the victim becomes withdrawn in instances when the victim could potentially expose information about the abuser.