So, everyone is talking about the slap, and initially I was not going to weigh in on it. However after reading the many opinions that you lovely folks post as well as the articles that are flooding the internet, I think there is an important lesson that is being missed, so I decided to chime in. First, let’s clarify the prevailing opinions that I see being posted, mainly that Will Smith is living in Tupak Shakur’s shadow, and that Jada Pinkett Smith is a toxic woman who emasculates Will. Granted, the pair have a unique union, however it is one that they made and agreed to and are choosing not to leave…These are adults with free will! Furthermore, we should bare in mind that we do not know all of the nuances of their relationship; we only see some of the scandalous details that spill out due in part to their transparency and choice to admit humanity through vulnerability.
One can question whether Will Smith handled things appropriately (we say violence is never the answer, but it is effective; nonviolence is only effective when there is mutual respect-I’m just saying). Perhaps Will Smith was trying to protect Jada’s honor, perhaps he was responding to an internal feeling of inadequacy due to comparison to Tupak, perhaps he felt that Chris Rock repeatedly disrespected his wife/family, and he chose violence that day. Truth is, the only person that can answer that question is Will Smith, and regardless of how we feel, he only owe’s that answer to himself and the people he cares about, although, admittedly, it is fun to speculate.
Now the elephant in the room; is Jada toxic…First one must consider what toxic is. Merriam Webster states the following in relation to this situation: extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful. One can argue that Jada is toxic; one can argue that Will is toxic, let me explain. In my opinion, toxic can be anything that is not for you; drinking water to the point of blood dilution is toxic, eating only lettuce until you become malnourished is toxic, etc. As far as Will and Jada- Jada pining for a man who has been dead for years in spite of being married is toxic, and Will deciding that he will “conquer” marriage and remain married regardless of if his wife is happy or not, if she wants to be married to him or not, or even if he is her type, simply because he believes in marriage and wants his children raised within the confines of a marriage is also toxic. From the outside looking in, it seems that they are not a match for each other, and instead of letting go, they stayed and damaged each other.
The lessons that I take from this situation is the importance of freedom and letting go. One can do serious damage to themselves and/or others by holding on to situations that have expired. This is a lesson that I am actively learning; in the past I have been the poster child for holding on when I should let go, and trust me, I have the scars to prove it. However it is a beautiful lesson; that which is for you will be for you, as authenticity cannot be forced. Likewise, things change, and sometimes what was for you isn’t for you anymore, or what wasn’t for you moves into alignment. We cannot predict the future, nor should we try to. All we can do is be our best selves, enjoy the beautiful things while they are in our lives, and do our best to share love and experience happiness. I send sincerest well wishes to the Smiths’ on their journey.
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