For those who are not familiar, the Serenity Prayer goes as follows:
O God and Heavenly Father, Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
Sounds like good advice right? What if I told you this is wrong. Since I was a child I have corrected this phrase to say “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to know one from the other.” In this life, we have been conditioned to accept the unacceptable under the guise that these things cannot be changed. This is false. Life is change; existence is change; the only true constant of this world is change, so why do we feel that certain unconscionable truths are not subject to this law? We can create cell phones and wifi and travel into outer space, but we find it impossible to believe that we can end molestation, rape, murder, starvation, explotation, etc. The reasons that we believe that these things cannot be changed are because the disordered individuals that enjoy and profit from these sick practices have propagandized us to believe that they cannot be stopped, and we’ve become desensitized to these terrors, and thus accept them.
Let’s ponder molestation. At this point in history we have enough confessions from actual molesters who have detailed how they identify potential victims, groom them, and prey upon them. We know this now, so why don’t we have enlightened individuals who similarly identify potential victims, but instead give them a sense of community and protection and help to correct the issues that make them an easy target to victimize? Why don’t we also identify the predators and handle them swiftly? I can’t even count the number of times that I or someone I know has been warned against an individual because they have predatory tendencies, however the individual remained free and their tendencies were not addressed. Yes, it is good to warn your family members and loved ones, but those without a support system fall victim to predators, and we treat it as an unavoidable casualty, as if we don’t have the power to prevent it when we do. I’ve heard sayings such as “a lion needs to eat” but molestation is not a lion pursuing a gazelle, it is a disordered human abusing a vulnerable human. This can be corrected by making the target less vulnerable and getting the predator some help to find healthy ways to deal with the negative tendencies that exist within, but that takes work on the part of the community at large. This work involves being aware and alert and responsible for other people, but it also involves the internal work of identifying, acknowledging, and fixing the toxic traits within. It’s hard to police the community when one knows that they themselves may exploit the vulnerabilities of someone if their own needs are not met, thus it is difficult to judge another, and one creates these apologetics justifying predatory behavior. We engage in blame shifting by pointing out how a victim could have avoided being targeted instead of addressing the dark desires that exist within the human soul. We make excuses such as, “I can’t tell someone how to raise their kids” as a way of justifying our own laziness and selfishness that causes us to remain inactive when we see a child that is being neglected and we are unwilling to share our knowledge and resources to set them right. Yes the parent should be doing it, but the reality is that they are not, likely due to some privation or issue that they are suffering, and in that moment is better to see the long term and save the child and hope that the parent eventually comes to their senses; perhaps through seeing this act of love (or they may self destruct), but at least the child is saved and thus able to give their beautiful, unique gifts to the world. We don’t want to be accountable for suspending judgment for something that we don’t understand and allowing ourselves to be uncomfortable for a grater good by allowing someone to be honest about their feelings early, allowing a person to expose a developing toxic trait, such as the desire to molest (before acting on it) and showing love to the person and letting them know that they are still a part of society, however they cannot ACT on that tendency and must work through appropriate channels to ensure that they do not act on that toxic ideal and spread harm in the community ( I’m thinking counselling, maybe a sex doll that has certain features-I know, eww, but so much better that actually touching a child, a sense of community and the understanding that inclusion is still available but dependant upon appropriate behavior, and knowledge that offenders will swiftly and strictly be dealt with for offending). All of this takes work and a drastic change from what we are accustomed to, but it is possible.
I can apply this line of logic to many different issues, but there is an overarching underlying concept that facilitates this healing, which is communication. We need to get so comfortable in the discomfort of transparency so that it no longer hurts, but that can only occur when we give space to others who differ from us to tell their stories and perspectives, and share and educate without the judgments that occur from fear. We have to open our hearts to those who are dedicated to finding truth and are willing to eradicate counterproductive thoughts, ideals, and actions in favor of the collective good, and allow them to be transparent and honest without fear of judgment or punishment, but instead educate and be educated. We have to grow in confidence and enlightenment so that we are not tempted to use the shortcomings of another to elevate ourselves over them, especially if we see a talent that we admire or are jealous of, but instead love the gifts and the light that that person can bring to the world (and perhaps learn and improve through them). We have to embrace ourselves and our own gifts, and see the beauty that we impart so that jealousy can be squashed, and we should support and show love to each other for who we are; not just the select skills that society upholds as uniquely valuable (likely because it feeds capitalism). Sending love and light to all….
Peace
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